Where were you?
by lemonscenteddaves
Summary: Subaru goes mildly insane after the Rainbow Bridge incident. MAJOR SPOILERS. songfic to Where Were You by Every Avenue


DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TOKYO BABYLON OR X/1999. (I only wish I did)

A/N: My first songfic! :D I'm rather excited about it~ I wrote this on the notes section on my phone and then continued to spend almost an hour editing it. Stoopid phone and its non-typing capabilities… (well, it _does _have typing capabilities, but I make about a million mistakes on it)

Please leave a review! I like to know if people like what I write!

****

_Where were you?_

_Home for the weekend lookin' for a good time... _

Subaru couldn't believe it. He, of all people, was bored. Subaru Sumeragi was bored out of his wits. He thought this was impossible considering how busy he usually was, but he didn't have a job today and had no clue what to do with himself. He was always out and about doing jobs for others, so when he got a day off he always found himself in the same situation. He was glad these days didn't happen often, but as today was one of those days, he was stuck at home, bored.

_Of all the numbers you end up callin mine... _

All of a sudden, his phone rang, and he went over to pick it up as quickly as he could. Maybe it was a job for him!

"Hello, Sumeragi residence, how may i help you?" Subaru answered the phone cheerfully.

A laugh came from the other end that sounded eerily familiar.

"Oh, Subaru-kun, no need for formalities, its just me," the voice on the other end said. Subaru immediately recognized the voice as his friend Seishirou.

"Ah, Seishirou-san! I thought it might be a customer..." Subaru said and found himself blushing.

"Well, in that case, it would appear that you're free today? How about we go have a picnic in the park right by my office? I'm free after two," Seishirou offered.

_Ready or not i think I'll give this a shot... _

"Umm, sure, I guess I can do that. I need to be back here though in case someone calls..."

"Oh Subaru-kun, always worrying about work. You should lighten up!" Seishirou teased, and Subaru immediately pictured Hokuto saying the exact same thing.

_I should know better than to give her what she wants... _

"I know," he admitted, "I'll go today. Do you want me to meet you at the park?"

"No, I can pick you up. It's a date!" he laughed and hung up before Subaru had a chance to reply.

"S...sei...Seishirou-san!" Subaru blurted, embarrassed, to no one. He didn't realize Seishirou had hung up until after the fact, which only caused him to turn, yet another, shade of red.

As he sat down and waited for Seishirou to get there, he began to feel faint. He truly hoped he wasn't coming down with something.

****

_I picked her up and she was three fourths gone, she passed out before we even got to talk... _

Seishirou arrived at Subaru and Hokuto's shared apartment at the exact specified time. Subaru came walking out when he honked, but something didn't look just quite right about him.

He was swaying as he walked, and he looked faint. When he got in the car, Seishirou asked if he was okay, to which Subaru responded, _I'm fine! I promise!_ And then proceeded to pass out. Seishirou took him back inside and lay him down on the couch. He decided to stay there until Subaru woke up, just to make sure he was okay.

****

_All i want to know is- where were you when i needed you most? _

Subaru felt the tears roll down his cheek as he remembered that particular day. He was sitting down on rainbow bridge- he'd gone back because he wanted to feel closer to Seishirou. He didn't know what to do, but he had a few choice things to say to him. He really didn't care that Seishirou was no longer able to hear him, in fact, that made it all easier.

_Why did you leave me alone? _

"Look, Subaru said to know one in particular, I'm sorry. I just...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...i didn't _want _to...it just...happened. I still care about you..." _like that matters now_, he thought.

_We gave up before we gave it a chance... _

"I don't want to care, he continued even though no one was in sight, i just do. I can't help it; it's just the way you were. Something about you made me care about you more than anyone else, even though you never returned the feelings."

_And I don't understand... _

"But i just don't see your perspective on things. How can you have seen everything in the same light, be it people or things? How can you have lived your entire life like that?"

_Back to where we left off, baby..._

Subaru closed his eyes again; trying to remember the last time he thought Seishirou actually loved him.

_How you been and what's been, you with your baby? _

Maybe it was that festival when they'd had their fortune told? Maybe it was the night they'd sung karaoke? Maybe it was the day Seishirou lost his eye protecting Subaru? Maybe it was…

_Just forget it, it's the same old run around... _

Subaru shook his head, trying to shake off all the passing thoughts of the times Seishirou had pretended to love Subaru.

He never had, and, now, he never would. Subaru had known that a long time ago, but he was rediscovering it again with his death.

_You build me up, just to let me down..._

He shivered as a cold wind blew past, causing his trench coat to billow out in all directions. He wrapped his arms around his chest, pulling his coat closer, even though he had absolutely no reason to.

He started walking around the area, tracing the edges of the bridge with his fingers, all while continuing to reminisce.

Seishirou had always acted friendly towards him during that fated year, and, Subaru supposed, that was what made him realize he truly loved Seishirou. Before he found out he was a heartless bastard, that is.

_Where were you when i needed you most? _

Subaru thought of the time right after he found out Hokuto was dead. He'd wanted Seishirou to comfort him, but, of course, by then that was impossible. The one time Subaru had actually needed Seishirou, there was no way he'd come to his side. After all, it was Seishirou's doings in the first place, so why should he comfort Subaru?

Why did you leave me alone? We gave up before we gave it a chance, and I don't understand...

Soon after that Subaru had realized that Seishirou was gone forever. At least, he knew he was gone out of Subaru's life. He'd never felt so alone in his entire life- his sister was dead and the man he loved considered him but another object.

_Just forget it its the same old run around... _

Subaru felt his eyes welling up with tears again at the mere thought of that day, and he tried as hard as he could to push it out of his mind.

_Just forget it..._

The thoughts wouldn't stop coming though. Swarms of memories both good and bad swarmed around inside his mind like unwanted bugs, and he tried to simply swat them all away.

Just forget it...

Nothing was working. He couldn't stop thinking about Seishirou, and he suddenly hated himself and Seishirou for it. He didn't want to, but he did.

He threw himself down on the bridge in a fit of rage and sadness, and felt himself begin to bleed in at least three different places. Not that it mattered to him though, he could clean himself up later.

Just forget it its the same old run around...

For now, he was content to just lay here and let his thoughts of pain attempt to drown out his thoughts of Seishirou.

_Just forget it, just forget it... _

He felt his blood mix with salty tears, and he but his lip to keep from screaming. He was doing all he could, but the memories wouldn't leave him alone.

_Where were you when i needed you most? Why did you leave me alone?_

Soon, the pain was too great, but he wasn't entirely sure the pain he was feeling was even from his fall. He felt so alone out there on the bridge, and he didn't know what else to do but scream.

We gave up before we gave it a chance, and i don't understand...

He screamed and cried until he felt he could do neither anymore, and even then he didn't feel any better.

Where were you when i needed you most? Why did you leave me alone?

For that minute, he forgot totally about the events of the past couple of days, simply because he had to. He let himself be angry with Seishirou for leaving him here, and he let himself be even angrier because he still cared about him.

_We gave up before we gave it a chance, and i don't understand... _

He still cared, even after all that Seishirou had done. He still cared, even after Seishirou had killed his sister.

Where were you when i needed you most?

He still cared after Seishirou had told him he was nothing but a thing to him.

_Why did you leave me alone? _

He still cared even after Seishirou left him for nine years.

_We gave up before we gave it a chance... _

He still cared even after Seishirou had nearly killed him.

_And I don't understand... _

And he still cared even after he'd killed Seishirou.

_Home for the weekend lookin' for a good time..._

Suddenly, Subaru felt himself rise up off the ground, only he didn't even think about standing up. Someone must be picking me up, he eventually realized, but who?

For a split second, he hoped it was Seishirou, but then he remembered that was impossible. Who it could be if it wasn't Seishirou was a mystery to him, but for the moment he was okay. This person was nice enough to wipe the blood off of his face and hands, and carry him to...well, Subaru wasn't quite sure where he was going. All he knew was he was moving somewhere, and someone was moving him there.

After the person who had been carrying him stopped walking and set him down, he managed to open his eyes so he could see just who it was.

Who he saw was a very concerned looking Kamui, checking Subaru's forehead for a temperature. Subaru wanted to tell him thank you, but he still felt weak.

He felt his eyes closing again against his will, but once they were closed he realized how exhausted he was and how comfortable Kamui's couch just so happened to be. He let himself fall asleep on the nice, comfortable couch as he finally managed to stop thinking about Seishirou, at least for the time being- neither of which he'd done in at least a week.

Fin


End file.
